she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
