He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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