I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
