I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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