i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
