Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
