smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
