Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize