I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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