what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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