i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
