i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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