All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
