Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
