i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
