I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
