These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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