I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
