drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
