I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
