I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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