first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
