am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
