Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
