I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
