I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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