ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
