the condom got lost in my hair
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
