i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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