I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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