i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
third nipple confirmed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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