Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
