remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
