you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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