some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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