My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish i was in the wii world.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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