C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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