never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
