I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
