wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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