i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
