He kissed a someone with a penis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
