I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this will be a night to untag.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
