I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do vagina's smell?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
