Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
