There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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