I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
