He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I would fuck him just for his dog
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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