ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
