i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize