ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
