I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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