OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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