Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
