So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
