You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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