I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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