dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
