My underwear smells like fireworks.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a search helicopter?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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