he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
