We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
