HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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