i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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