Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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