Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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