is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
