I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
