this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize