My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
