I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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