It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
