and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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