I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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