What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You've changed since you got that strap on
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
